Divorce Strategies: Co-Parenting for Back-to-School by Dr. Deborah Hecker

September 1st, 2010

Back-to-school issues can be stressful for divorced co-parents and their children.

Co-parenting after divorce is complicated and stressful for many parents – and their children.  Separated and divorced spouses are typically coping with residual feelings of loss and anger, which may spill over when they are together for activities involving their children.  One of these events occurs when children go back to school and both co-parents want to actively participate in their academic lives.

Nearly everyone has heard horror stories of ex-spouses fighting in school hallways over who should bring the child to school, scuffling on the sidelines of their kids’ extracurricular sports events over whose “week” it is, or yelling over the phone at a step-parent who wants to change the time for a scheduled visit.  Children are unwilling witnesses to and even participants in many of these exchanges.  For their children’s sake, it behooves parents to negotiate workable co-parenting arrangements surrounding school and school-related activities, and there’s no better time to do so than when kids are going back to school.

Back-to-school issues co-parents should discuss and agree on parameters for include:

-Enrollment in school-related and extracurricular activities, including payment of fees and transportation. A schedule which allows some degree of flexibility in case of work problems or other minor emergencies is helpful, as is participation in carpools with other parents.  Agree on how to give notice of changes to the schedule as well as acceptable alternatives (for example, paying for an extra hour of after-school care instead of asking for the co-parent to leave work early).

-Parental attendance at school-related and extra-curricular activities. Most co-parents can attend these events together by remembering to keep the best interests of the child in mind during the session.  If co-parents are unable to do this, a mediator or counselor can help them prepare for these meetings, as well as write a contract for how both parents can put aside their acrimony in order to participate effectively in the child’s life.

-Sharing copies of all documentation of events, including back-to-school / meet-the-teacher night, homework, progress reports, report cards, parent-teacher conferences, school performances, school pictures, and names and phone numbers of teachers and activity leaders. It’s helpful to include a folder for the co-parent in the backpack or suitcase the child takes from house to house; parents can send school papers back and forth this way without directly involving the child.

-Agree to give one another the benefit of the doubt, including where step-parents are concerned. Miscommunications and misunderstandings present an issue to be discussed in the next meeting, not an opportunity to mete out punishment by retaliating in kind.  Focus on the problem, not the person, and on the child, not the other parent.

-Parents must realize that by definition, co-parenting means each parent must give up some control over the children’s lives. The other parent might choose another outfit for the first day of school, pay for tennis lessons instead of encouraging the child to play the piano, or tell the child about the birds and the bees when the child is eight years old instead of nine.  Occurrences such as these may frustrate the other parent, but they aren’t likely to make a measurable difference in the child’s life, especially if the objecting parent makes an effort not to overreact to them.

-Co-parents should meet regularly in a calm, neutral environment to address issues that arise throughout the year. Focus on logistics and the child’s needs, not emotional issues.

For parents who are new to co-parenting with an ex or who have had trouble with this issue in the past, August offers an opportunity to get off on the right foot for the new school year.  And co-parents who are successful at negotiating back-to-school matters can be proud of creating a peaceful, structured environment that their children will thrive in and appreciate more and more as they grow into adulthood.

Personal Injury And Workers’ Compensation Awards in Georgia Divorce Cases

July 11th, 2010

Personal Injury and Workers’ Compensation Awards are sometimes at issue when dividing property during divorce proceedings.

Personal Injury and Workers’ Compensation Awards are generally divided into three components: (1) compensation to the injured spouse for pain and suffering, disability, and disfigurement; (2) compensation to the uninjured spouse for loss of consortium; and (3) compensation to the injured spouse for strictly economic damages, such as lost wages, lost earning capacity, and medical and hospital expenses.

Compensation to the injured spouse for personal and noneconomic loss (such as pain and suffering, disability, and disfigurement) is that spouse’s separate property and is not subject to equitable division.  Compensation to the injured spouse for economic loss is subject to equitable division.  Compensation to the uninjured spouse for loss of consortium is the uninjured spouse’s separate property.

The manner in which a Personal Injury or Workers’ Compensation award is classified and broken down in regard to how much of the award is for noneconomic damages and how much of the award is for economic damages can be critical to the determination of whether and how much of the award the uninjured spouse might have a claim against in equitable division of the parties’ marital property in a divorce case.  The divorce attorney and the PI/WC attorney should work together in structuring the award to help ensure that their client is able to retain the maximum amount of the award possible in a divorce case as their separate property which is not subject to equitable distribution of marital property.

It is possible for a spouse’s separate property to be awarded to the other spouse as alimony or spousal support rather than equitable distribution in a divorce case.

If a divorcing spouse is expecting a Personal Injury or Workers’ Compensation award, they should consult closely with both their divorce attorney and the attorney that is handling their Personal Injury/Workers’ Compensation claim, and those two attorneys should work closely together for the benefit of their mutual client.

Six Ways to Enforce Child Support

May 6th, 2010

The basis for child support comes from the idea that both parents need to support their children. Most states use a set formula set by statute to set the child support amount. An attorney practicing family law can show the formula in a given state. The formula is based in part on the parents’ income, whether the children have special needs, and the number and ages and of the children. It should be noted that child support obligations are independent of the noncustodial parent’s visitation rights. The child support obligations typically continue until the child dies, turns 18, or gets married.

Child support obligations are enforced by filing a petition in court. An attorney practicing family law likely has filed several petitions with the court. The petition allows for several methods to collect, including civil contempt, criminal contempt, and other methods:
1. Civil contempt is used to enforce a court order. The person who is obligated to and is able to pay child
support can choose to pay it or be incarcerated.
2. Criminal contempt is used to sentence the person who is obligated to pay child support and willfully
refuses.
3. Child Support Recovery Act makes it a federal crime for a person who is obligated to and willfully
chooses not to pay child support if the amount owed exceeds $5,000 or extends more than 1 year in
arrearages.
4. Tax refund proceeds can be used by the state against the person is obligated to pay child support and who owes $500 or more.
5. Automatic wage withholding (wage garnishment) is used to require an employer to deduct the ordered
sum from the person who is obligated to pay child support and to pay the court clerk the amount.
6. State license renewals, both professional and drivers licenses, can be contingent upon the person
obligated to pay child support.

Above is a list of available options to enforce child support. If a parent needs help with any of the items listed, that parent should contact a lawyer who practices family law.

This article was authored by Jeff, Butler
PEARSON & BUTLER, PLLC
1682 Reunion Avenue
Suite 100
South Jordan, UT 84095

Divorce and Your Finances – The 7 Most Costly Mistakes

April 13th, 2010

By William Donaldson, CFP®, CDFA
Each year there are nearly 1 million divorces in the United States, or about 50% of all
marriages1. The real tragedy, however, is the financial devastation that occurs to many individuals after their divorce.

Too often, a divorcing individual accepts an unfair settlement and finds that a few years later he or she is experiencing serious financial challenges. Was he or she intimidated or pressured to settle? Did the offer appear to be equitable? What ever the reason, this outcome can be significantly improved upon, if not altogether avoided, if you first understand the seven most costly financial mistakes commonly made in divorce settlements.
Following are brief summaries of these seven mistakes. Each of these areas can be quite complex, so we strongly recommend that you consult a professional prior to making a financial decision that may affect the rest of your life.
This list is not exhaustive, and depending on the complexity of your case, there may be many more areas that require thorough analysis.

Mistake #1: Not Knowing the Liquidity of Assets
Liquidity refers to the ability to access the cash value of an asset. For example, a bank savings account is highly liquid, because you can simply withdraw funds from an ATM when you need them. An antique automobile, however, is nearly illiquid because it is very difficult to quickly sell this asset to access the actual cash value.
Often in a divorce settlement, one party will receive mostly illiquid assets, including the home, while the other party receives liquid assets such as retirement plans, brokerage accounts etc.
What is the potential problem with this type of settlement?
On the surface, this scenario may appear to be equitable assuming that the home and other assets are of approximately the same value. However, the challenge lies in cash flow. How will the party that keeps the home pay the bills if his or her major asset is illiquid?
 One can borrow against the equity of the home, but that’s costly (closing costs, interest etc.) and it takes time to close the loan. In worst-case scenarios, the home must be sold, a smaller home is purchased and the remaining equity is utilized for living expenses.
If your proposed financial settlement has very little liquidity, be sure that you will have enough cash flow throughout the years to handle your living expenses. If not, you may have to consider selling the home, other assets or significantly decrease your expenses in order to meet your budgetary needs.

Mistake #2: Failure to Consider the Impact of Taxes
The effect of your settlement on various taxes can be very costly if not addressed thoroughly. Capital gains, income tax, and alimony are just a few of the areas that may be impacted.
Capital gains taxes need to be analyzed when property is being divided. Capital gains refer to the fair market value of an asset minus its cost. For example, if you paid $5 for a share of stock and it is now worth $25, you have a capital gain of $20. This applies to other assets such as real estate (including your home), mutual fund accounts and just about any investment that has appreciated in value.
Be very careful that the property you are receiving in a settlement does not have large capital gains as compared with your ex-spouse’s property. Don’t be fooled if your spouse offers you property of equal value but conveniently forgets to inform you of the tax liability.
As an example, you may be offered an investment account worth $150,000, but the cost basis is only $50,000. That means there is a gain of $100,000 that you must pay at minimum long-term capital gains tax (15% in 2004). There could possibly be short -term gains as well, which are taxed at your own marginal tax rate (as high as 35% in 2004).
In the case of your personal residence, the federal government eased the tax burden in 1997 by allowing a $250,000 capital gain exclusion per spouse if you’ve lived in your home for at least 2 of the past 5 years. If the home is to be sold and there is a considerable gain in value (over $250,000), you should consider selling before the divorce to take advantage of the full $500,000 exemption.
If you had sold a home prior to 1997 and rolled over the capital gain to the existing home, the old rules will apply to determine the cost basis of the current home. This will increase your gain and possibly further the need to sell while still married.
Income taxes are effected primarily by alimony payments and filing status. Alimony received is taxable as ordinary income, so a $50,000 payment received is actually worth $35,000 after taxes, assuming a 30% marginal state and federal tax bracket.
 On the other hand, the payer of alimony receives a tax deduction, so the same $50,000 payment actually costs the taxpayer $35,000 assuming the same tax bracket.
Filing status is an important decision after the divorce. If you were still married on 12/31 of the tax year, you have the option of filing a joint return. If you can peacefully deal with your spouse after the divorce, you should consider this option as it could save considerable tax for both parties.
If you were divorced after 12/31 and you qualify, filing as head of household versus single can also save considerable tax dollars. Your best course of action is to consult with a tax professional regarding these options.

Mistake #3: Not Understanding the Rules of Retirement Accounts
Retirement accounts are a tax related issue, but their complexity merits a separate category. If a large portion of your settlement consists of retirement assets, you need to be aware of the many tax ramifications and potential penalties involved.
Normally, distributions from a retirement plan prior to age 591/2 are considered “early distributions” and are subject to a 10% penalty tax as well as ordinary income tax. An exception to this rule, however, is a transfer to an ex-spouse as part of a divorce settlement. A Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) is used to affect this transfer. Income taxes still apply, so any assets you receive from a “qualified plan,” such as a 401(k), will be subject to a mandatory 20% tax withholding. For example, if you are awarded a $100,000 distribution from an ex-spouses 401(k) you will actually receive only $80,000.
To avoid this mandatory withholding, the transfer must be made directly to another retirement account, such as your own IRA. Once the assets are in your retirement account, you are now subject to the early distribution rules. If you need some of the assets to live on, or pay bills, make sure you take them out prior to transferring them to an IRA to avoid the 10% penalty.
To simplify, let’s look at an actual example of how this transfer works:
Barbara and Stanley are both age 55 and going through a divorce. Stanley has $560,000 in his 401(k) that will be divided by a QDRO, transferring $280,000 to Barbara.
She could transfer the money directly to her IRA and pay no taxes until she starts withdrawing funds after age 591/2, at which time she would pay ordinary income tax on the amount withdrawn. But Barbara needs $80,000 for a down payment on a new house. So she holds back $100,000 before transferring the remaining amount to her IRA. 20% is withheld for taxes, leaving her with $80,000 to spend without incurring a 10% penalty.
After she transfers the remaining $180,000 to her IRA, Barbara is held to the early withdrawal rule. If she says, “Oh, I forgot, I need another $10,000 to buy a car,” it is too late. She will have to pay the 10% penalty and the taxes on that money.
It is important to note that IRA’s are not qualified plans, so a QDRO is not needed to divide the assets. Also, there is no 20% mandatory tax withholding on a transfer. To avoid paying taxes, you must deposit any distribution from an IRA directly to your own IRA. If a check is sent to you, you must deposit the money into your own IRA within 60 days to avoid a taxable distribution.

Mistake #4: Overlooking Debt and Credit Rating Issues
Nothing is worse than starting out a new life with bad credit. Several steps can be taken during the divorce process to minimize the chances of this occurring.
First, obtain a copy of your credit report. This will identify all joint accounts, accounts you may not have been aware of, and any potential credit problems.
Next, be sure to pay off and close all joint accounts prior to the divorce settlement and open new accounts in your own name. Unfortunately, creditors don’t care how a separation agreement divides responsibility for joint debt (joint credit cards, auto loans etc.). Each person is liable for the full amount of debt until the balance is paid, hence the importance of dealing with this issue prior to your divorce.
Regarding income tax debt, even if the divorce is final, you may not be exempt from future tax liability. For three years after the divorce, the IRS can perform a random audit of a divorced couple’s joint tax return. If it has good cause, the IRS can question a joint return for seven years.
To avoid any potential problems down the road, your divorce agreement should have provisions that spell out what happens if any additional penalties, interest or taxes are found as well as where the funds come from to pay for any expenses associated with an audit.

Mistake #5: Not Maintaining Control Over Insurance Policies
Most divorce decrees call for one of the parties to obtain a life insurance policy to insure the value of alimony payments, child support or some other financial need. If you are the person for whom the insurance is obtained, it is critical that you are either the owner or irrevocable beneficiary of the policy.
If you are not, the ex-spouse who took out the policy could easily stop making payments and you would never know about it until the policy is needed and it no longer exists. This could be financially devastating. As the owner or irrevocable beneficiary, you would be notified of any outstanding issues with the policy, such as non-payment of the premium, and could therefore take action and prevent the policy from lapsing or being cancelled.

Mistake #6: Failure to Budget
One of the most common mistakes made post-divorce is the failure to budget based on one’s new lifestyle. We see this happen most often when one spouse keeps the home for the sake of the children or perhaps due to an emotional attachment. Because of the high value of the home, there are few other assets awarded in the settlement. The expense of maintaining the home and the lack of liquid assets often results in a rapid depletion of cash, leaving no choice but to sell the home.
This scenario can be avoided if you take a good hard look at your expenses versus liquid assets and income. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst can help you project several years into the future and determine if you’ll have enough resources to support your current lifestyle as well as your retirement years.
This analysis should be completed prior to a settlement. If it is determined that you will be unable to maintain your lifestyle with the proposed offer, you have established a good case to request more assets, alimony or child support.

Mistake #7: Failure to Identify Hidden Assets
Hopefully, you’re not in a situation where you distrust your spouse and fear there are hidden assets that should be included in the settlement. Unfortunately, once a divorce is initiated, many individuals will do whatever they can to preserve what they feel is their own money. Some individuals maintain secret accounts or other financial activities throughout an entire marriage. If these assets are not exposed, one spouse is certain to obtain an unfair settlement.
There are multiple resources and methods used by financial professionals and attorneys to uncover potential hidden assets. Being aware of these may help you avoid being victimized by a dishonest spouse. Forensic accountants are generally the most commonly utilized professionals to assist in this area.
Tax returns are one of the best places to start. Most people are uneasy about misleading the IRS for fear of penalties, fines and even prison. Go back at least 5 years to look for any inconsistencies in income, the presence of trusts, partnerships or real estate holdings.
If your spouse is a business owner, corporate or partnership returns may show a change in salary, charging personal expenses to the company, or excessive retained earnings. Another common trick is to put a “friend” on the payroll, who agrees to give back the money paid to him after the divorce. A forensic tax professional is of tremendous help in this area.
Checking account statements and cancelled checks for the past few years can also be quite revealing. A cancelled check for a purchase you never knew about, such as an investment property, can make a substantial difference in total assets to be divided.
Savings accounts may reveal unusual deposits or withdrawals in amount or pattern that could point to a hidden asset such as a dividend producing investment. In addition, cash may be hidden almost anywhere.
Brokerage statements are valuable in tracking the purchase and sale of securities. If securities are sold and the proceeds are not accounted for, you can be sure that the assets are out there somewhere.
Expense accounts can be abused when corporations give employees a great deal of leeway in their expense account reporting. Cross checking between expense account disbursements and savings/checking account deposits may indicate a pattern of abuse if the deposits exceed legitimate business expenditures.
Children’s bank accounts may be opened as a custodial account for the intent of hiding assets as well. In some of these cases, interest is not reported as income on tax returns, and no return is filed for the children.
This is not an exhaustive list of places to look for hidden assets. If you suspect this is occurring, you owe it to yourself to seek help from a financial professional.

In Summary
There are thousands of articles, books, manuals and other publications written about the financial issues of divorce. It is a complex area, and certainly deserves the attention it gets.
But reading this article or any other resource will probably not make you an expert. If you think you may not be receiving fair treatment, or you are simply uncomfortable dealing with these issues, it might make sense for you to consult with a financial professional who is trained specifically in divorce related issues.
A Certified Divorce Financial AnalystTM (CDFA) has endured extensive training in the financial issues of divorce. He or she will analyze the long-term financial impact of a proposed settlement and help you determine if it is feasible. Remember that a proposed settlement might look fair initially, but without proper analysis and forward looking projections, it can lead you to a future of financial hardship.
The bottom line is don’t settle until you know how it will affect your financial future!

Records to Keep When You Pay or Receive Alimony

March 30th, 2010

Alimony, also called spousal support, means a payment by one spouse to another following a divorce. Courts don’t always grant alimony, and the trend is away from alimony orders. But where the marriage was long and one spouse earns a lot more than another, or one spouse left the workforce in order to raise children or manage the household, alimony is fairly common.
Alimony is tax-deductible for the person paying, and constitutes taxable income for the person receiving it. So it’s important to keep adequate records if you are paying or receiving alimony. This point cannot be over-emphasized. Frequently after a divorce, the spouses dispute, or the IRS challenges, the amounts that were actually paid or received. Without adequate documentation, the payer may lose the alimony tax deduction or be ordered to pay back support if the other spouse makes a claim in court.
Payer
The person paying alimony should keep:
• a list showing each payment (date, check number, and address to which the check was sent)
• the originals of checks used for payments (keep in a safe place, such as a safe deposit box) — be sure to note on each check the month for which the support is being paid, and
• if you pay in cash, receipts for each payment, signed by the recipient.
Be sure to keep these records for at least three years from the date you file the tax return deducting the payments. Some lawyers and tax advisers say you should never throw away records like these.
Recipient
The spouse receiving support should make a list that shows each payment received. Include the following information:
• date payment was received
• amount received
• check number or other identifying information (for example, the number of the money order)
• account number on which any check is written
• name of bank on which check is drawn or money order issued
• a photocopy of the check or money order, and
• a copy of any signed receipt you give for cash payments.

This article was written by Wood, Atter, and Wolf, PA
333-1 East Monroe Street
Jacksonville, Florida 32202
Local: 904.355.8888
Toll Free: 800.737.9376
Fax: 904.358.3061
dwolf@woodatter.com

Grandparent Dependency Exemptions

February 27th, 2010

The following article was written by Kathy Howell, IRS Tax Senior Tax Consultant
Blog: www.oregonlive.com/business/
Can we claim our daughter and her son who live with us?
February 02, 2010, 11:06AM
Question from Jackie
January 29, 2010 at 4:23pm
Kathy,
My 21 year old daughter has a 3 year old son. They both live with us and we support both 100 percent. Can we claim her on our taxes? She does not work, receive any child support or government assistance.
Answer:  Jackie – It may be possible for you to claim both your daughter and your grandchild on your tax return. 
In order to claim a dependency exemption for both your daughter and your grandson they must qualify as either a Qualifying Child or Qualifying Relative. There is only one dependency exemption for any one person. Two people cannot claim the same individual on their tax return and that includes the taxpayer.
You can claim an exemption for a Qualifying Child or Qualifying Relative only if these three tests are met.
• You cannot claim any dependents if you, or your spouse if filing jointly, could be claimed as a dependent by another taxpayer.
• You cannot claim a married person who files a joint return as a dependent unless that joint return is only a claim for refund and there would be no tax liability for either spouse on separate returns.
• You cannot claim a person as a dependent unless that person is a U.S. citizen, U.S. resident alien, U.S. national, or a resident of Canada or Mexico.

There are five tests that must be met for you to claim your grandson as a qualifying child (QC). The five tests are:
Relationship – The child must be your son, daughter, stepchild, foster child, brother, sister, half brother, half sister, stepbrother, stepsister, or a descendant of any of them.  <em>A grandson meets this test.</em>
Age – The child must be under age 19 at the end of the year or under age 24 at the end of the year and a full-time student or any age if pernanently and totally disabled.  <em> Your grandson meets this test.
Residency – The child must have lived with you for more than half of the year or be related to you.  <em>You don’t really say how long he has lived with you.</em>
Support – The child must not have provided more than half of his or her own support for the year.
If your grandson does not meet the tests to be a Qualifying Child he may be a Qualifying Relative if all the following tests are met. In order to claim your daughter she must met the following tests also.
1. The person cannot be your qualifying child or the qualifying child of any other taxpayer.
2. The person either (a) must be related to you as a Relatives who does not have to live with you, or (b) must live with you all year as a member of your household. (A daughter or grandson does not have to live with you.)
3. The person’s gross income for the year must be less than $3,650. Gross income is defined as all income in the form of money, property and services that is not exempt from tax.  This would include wages and unemployment compensation. 
4. You must provide more than half of the person’s total support for the year. You figure whether you have provided more than half of a person’s total support by comparing the amount you contributed to that person’s support with the entire amount of support that person received from all sources. This includes support the person provided from his or her own funds.
 
You may find the Worksheet for Determining Support, available in Publication 17, Your Federal Income, or Publication 501, Exemptions, Standard Deduction and Filing Information, helpful in determining support provided.
You can visit www.irs.gov to order view, download or print IRS forms and publications or you can call (800) 829-3676 to have them mailed to you.

Should You Put Your Spouse’s Name On The Deed To Your House?

February 25th, 2010

If you owned your home prior to your marriage, there are legal consequences to placing your spouse’s name on the deed to your home after your marriage.

Under Georgia law, if you owned your home prior to your marriage and placed your spouse’s name on the deed after your marriage, that is considered a gift from you to the marriage and the entire value of the home becomes marital property.  It does not matter what the reason was for the transfer.

I have seen several cases in which a home is refinanced after a marriage, and the person who owned the home prior to the marriage placed their spouse’s name on the deed as a result of the refinance.  If the parties divorce after the refinance, the entire value of the home is considered marital property.

Before you put your spouse’s name on the deed to the home you owned prior to your marriage, contact an attorney who is knowledgable about family law.  Talk to an attorney about the consequences of putting your spouse’s name on the deed to the home you owned before the marriage, and whether you need a prenuptial or even a postnuptial agreement to make your intentions clear.

Best ways to Keep Connected with Your Kids after Divorce

February 19th, 2010

The following article was written by Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, Founder of Child-Centered Divorce

Divorce is a time for disconnect. It’s not uncommon for you to feel alone, rejected and insecure in the months following your divorce. So can your children. It is important for you to strengthen your bond with your children during this time of transition – whether you are living with them or apart.

Children want to know they are still loved, valued and cared about. Show them, tell them and keep in close communication with them – during the happy times and the sad ones. They need to know they have a safe place to turn, a shoulder to cry on and a non-judgmental ear when they need it. If divorce has been tough on you – remember it’s even tougher on them – whether they confide that to you or not.

Here are five important ways to reinforce your connection with the children you love.

1. Connect through notes:

If you’re living together, slip a note in your child’s lunch box or notebook every few days. A quick joke, cartoon, reminder about a special event ahead or just a warm “I Love You!” will let them know they’re on your mind and in your heart. If you’re not spending time together, send an email note or a quick text message to convey that you’re thinking about them.

2. Connect through idle chats:

Take advantage of idle moments here and there when you’re together with your child. Driving in the car is a great time to ask questions, share your feelings, and be empathic about their comments. When you’re helping them with homework, cooking meals together or doing other chores you can strike up a conversation as well. Just be careful not to turn these communications into lectures. You’re there to listen, reflect and learn. If you judge or condemn, you’ll close the door to hearing any more.

3. Connect through bedtime routine:

It’s always wise to create a before bedtime routine with your children that integrates warm connection. Spend time reading books on changing themes, talk about your own childhood memories and challenges. Share your own insecurities and how you overcame them. It’s also beneficial to ask your child about the best part of their day or a new lesson they learned. Bedtime routines help you both unwind and appreciate one another. It also creates a security bond that most children really value.

4. Connect through a new project:

After divorce many things change in a child’s life. It’s a good opportunity to create connection through new projects that take on special meaning. Whether it’s a multi-day puzzle, a plastic model you complete together, new shelves or other decorating project in their bedroom, this shared time is a wonderful time to talk, listen to music and make a stress-free connection.

5. Connect through special dates:

Every now and then create a special outing alone with just one of your children. Take them to lunch, the zoo, a big-city shopping trip, a sports game or a wonderful movie. Children cherish alone time with you and the opportunity to catch up with one another without competition from siblings. Prepare this “date” in advance so you both have something to look forward to. End the date with a token gift as a keepsake “reminder” of your time together.

It doesn’t take a lot of effort to reinforce your connection with your children, especially as you all transition through and after a divorce. It’s the sincerity of your effort, not the money you spend, that impacts their lives and helps them to feel safe, loved and secure despite the changes and challenges created by the divorce.

Connection time will also heighten your awareness about your children’s attitudes, moods and feelings so you can address potential problems early-on before they become serious behavior issues. Create the time to keep connected with your kids. You won’t regret it!

For Rosalind Sedacca’s free articles, ezine and other valuable resources visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com .

How do I figure out how to live on less money after the divorce?

February 14th, 2010

Finding ways to stretch the family dollar is often the most difficult task in adjusting to life post divorce. Here is the start of a guide for beginning the process of adjusting to a new cash flow reality. Create a budget with the goal of achieving the following results.
1. Detail all income and expenses
a. Determine your net disposable income from employment, support and any other sources.
b. Get your checkbook register, checking account statement and credit card receipts.
c. Categorize your expenses into home, food, entertainment, etc. on a monthly basis.
d. Create a separate budget for child related expenses
e. Categorize your expenses between Fixed and Discretionary.
f. Determine your Total Spending.
2. Create guidelines for your spending in each category.
a. Remember these are just guidelines.
b. If you treat them like rules you must follow you will miss the benefit associated with realizing you have made a positive change.
3. Create a snapshot of your financial world.
a. Compare your Net Disposable Income to your Total Spending.
b. Once you have the first snapshot of your income and expenses you can begin planning to make changes.
c. Decide what constitutes a realistic budget.
i. Compare your children’s budget to the National Averages here http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/Publications/CRC/crc2006.pdf
ii. Determine your debt to income ratio by determining what percentage of your monthly income goes to paying debts. If it exceeds 28%; consider trying to reduce your debt load.
d. Find where you can cut discretionary expenses. Discretionary expenses include entertainment and dining out and offer the best source of budget cuts.
Working through this process with a Financial Planner will be helpful even necessary for some folks. You are not alone in your dread for budgeting. Humans are built with the evolutionary skew towards surviving today at the expense of tomorrow.
________________________________________
This checklist was created by Justin Reckers, CFP®, CDFA™, AIF®
Justin is a Managing Director of Pacific Divorce Management; a San Diego based firm specializing in the financial aspects that arise for couples going through a divorce. Justin has developed a passion for guiding people through what can be the most emotionally and financially devastating period in their life. He provides education and support during difficult decision making processes in order to facilitate rational and informed conclusions for clients. Justin also serves as a Financial Planner for Pacific Wealth Management, LLC, a San Diego-based investment management, consulting, and financial planning company where he specializes in comprehensive financial planning. His practice includes a comprehensive post divorce financial planning program for clients dedicated to preparing for financial independence and long term success during the post divorce transition. This program was developed with his Family Law experience in mind having seen the negative effects of lack of follow through.
For more information on Justin Reckers or to get in contact with him, go to his homepage: www.pacdivorce.com

Don’t Miss these Final Financial Details in Divorce

January 31st, 2010

Here are some helpful tips to remember when going through a divorce:

By Lisa C. Decker, CDFA(TM)
 
 
Moving into the next chapter of your life means wrapping up old business so that you can stay focused on the future.  Here are a few helpful tips to make sure that you don’t leave open any doors that really should be closed for good.
 
Some parting items that you and / or your attorney may need to deal with when your divorce decree is handed down.
 
Assets: 
•         Remember to separate all accounts and change titles where applicable.
•         For investment accounts it is most important to change your beneficiary designations as these will override what is written in a will.  If this step is missed your ex could end up with assets you did not intend for them to have.
•         Don’t forget to have your attorney file QDRO’s if you have qualified funds to split as a part of your divorce settlement agreement.
 
Debts / Liabilities:
•         Remember to separate all accounts and change titles where allowed.
•         If  you are still liable for joint debts that could not be separated before the divorce was final, then make it a top priority to get your name removed from as many joint debt accounts as possible now and when able in the future (such as when the primary residence can be refinanced).
•         Make sure to review your credit reports from all three agencies in 3-6 months after the divorce is finalized and correct any errors you may find.
•         Make sure that your divorce decree handles what will be done with any joint taxes that may be owed or refunded.  This includes federal, state, local, property and potentially others.
 
Protection:
•         Be sure to visit an estate planning attorney and have your wills changed.
•         Change beneficiaries on all life insurance policies.  As with investments, these beneficiary designations override a will.
•         Change and remove spouse from other insurance policies – Health, Homeowners, Auto, Umbrella, etc.
 
Support:
•         If you are receiving spousal and child support and need to go back to court to ask for modifications in the future, please beware of the IRS child contingency rules that could put you in a potential tax trap if you are the one paying support.  Make sure to check with your CDFA or CPA if you do ask for a modification around either of these items so you don’t inadvertently end up with a hefty tax bill.
 
These are items that are frequently forgotten amid the turmoil of divorce.  It is vitally important that you follow-up on these things as soon as possible to avoid unintended consequences that can come back to haunt you years later.
 
©2008-2010 Lisa C. Decker, CDFA(TM) All Rights Reserved.
 
Lisa C. Decker, CDFA, is an expert in divorce financial matters as she guides clients to “Divorce Your Spouse, Not Your Money(TM).”  To learn industry insider secrets on “How to Avoid Losing Control of Your Mind, Money & Material Possessions in Divorce” so you keep more money in your own pocket when dealing with your spouse, your attorney and Uncle Sam go here:  http://vur.me/dmm/Save-Money-in-Divorce.